Divorce is a challenging and emotionally taxing process for anyone, but it can be particularly complex when you are divorcing a partner with borderline personality disorder (BPD).
Michigan, like most states, has its own set of laws and considerations when it comes to divorce. In this blog, we will explore some key points to keep in mind if you find yourself divorcing someone with borderline personality disorder in Michigan.
What is Borderline Personality Disorder?
First, it helps to have a clear understanding of what BPD is and is not. Borderline personality disorder is a mental health condition characterized by pervasive instability in one’s self-image, emotions, relationships, and behavior. Individuals with BPD often struggle with regulating their emotions and have difficulty maintaining stable and healthy relationships. The disorder typically emerges during early adulthood and may persist throughout a person’s life, although symptoms can vary in intensity over time. In many cases, someone struggling with BPD can be perceived as bi-polar or even a narcissist.
The main symptoms to look for in determining whether or not your spouse has borderline personality disorder include:
Intense & Rapidly Shifting Emotions
People with BPD often experience intense emotions that can quickly shift from one extreme to another. They may feel extreme sadness, anger, or anxiety, and these emotions can be triggered by seemingly minor events.
Unstable Self-Image
Individuals with BPD often struggle with a sense of self-identity. They may have an unstable self-image, uncertainty about their goals and values, and a tendency to adopt different personas or identities in different situations.
Fear of Abandonment
People with BPD often have an intense fear of being abandoned or rejected by others. They may go to great lengths to avoid real or perceived abandonment, which can lead to tumultuous and unstable relationships.
Impulsive Behavior
Impulsive behaviors, such as reckless spending, substance abuse, self-harm, or risky sexual behaviors, are common among individuals with BPD. These actions are often attempts to cope with emotional distress or to gain a sense of control.
Instability in Relationships
You may have recognized this within your own marriage. Maintaining stable and healthy relationships can be challenging for individuals with BPD. They may have difficulties with trust, intense and stormy relationships, and a tendency to idealize or devalue others, leading to a cycle of unstable friendships or romantic partnerships. This may be the cause of infidelity.
Self-Destructive Behaviors
Some individuals with BPD engage in self-destructive behaviors, such as self-harm or suicidal gestures. These actions are often driven by intense emotional distress and an inability to cope effectively with negative emotions.
It is important to note that individuals with BPD can have a wide range of experiences and symptoms, and not everyone will display all of these features. Additionally, while BPD can be a significant challenge, it is a treatable condition. Psychotherapy, particularly dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), is a commonly used approach to help individuals with BPD manage their symptoms and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Medication may also be prescribed to target specific symptoms, such as depression, anxiety, or impulsivity.
Divorcing a Spouse With Borderline Personality Disorder
Whenever you are married to someone who suffers from a diagnosed mental illness, it can be taxing emotionally, mentally and even physically. Often, the person that you once loved turns out to be someone entirely different, through no fault of their own. However, it is not your responsibility to fix them. When divorcing someone with BPD, here are some steps and tips.
Seek Professional Guidance
When divorcing someone with BPD, it is essential to seek guidance from professionals who have experience in both divorce law and mental health. Consider consulting with a family law attorney who is knowledgeable about BPD and understands the intricacies involved. They can provide you with specific advice tailored to your situation and help you navigate the legal process while considering the unique challenges posed by BPD.
Child Custody & Parenting Plans
If you have children with your partner, child custody and parenting plans will be important aspects to address during the divorce. Michigan courts prioritize the best interests of the child when determining custody arrangements. However, if your co-parent has BPD, the court may consider any potential impact on the child’s well-being. It is crucial to gather evidence and documentation that supports your concerns about the other parent’s ability to provide a stable and safe environment for your children.
Consider Mediation or Collaborative Divorce
Given the emotional volatility often associated with BPD, traditional litigated divorce may escalate tensions and create further distress. Mediation and collaborative divorce methods offer alternative paths that can promote open communication, reduce conflict, and facilitate a more amicable resolution. These processes can help both parties work together to find mutually beneficial solutions, minimizing the stress on all involved, including any children.
One option would be The Mitten Law Firm’s Flat-Rate Uncontested Divorce.
Document Everything
When divorcing someone with BPD, it is vital to document any incidents, conversations, or behavior that may be relevant to your case. Keep a detailed record of any abusive or erratic behavior, threats, or instances of neglect. This documentation will serve as evidence to support your claims, should they be necessary during legal proceedings.
Self-Care & Emotional Support
Divorcing someone with BPD can be emotionally draining and may take a toll on your mental health. It is crucial to prioritize self-care and seek emotional support. Consider engaging in therapy or counseling to help you cope with the challenges you may face throughout the process. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups who can provide a safe space for you to share your experiences and feelings.
Considering divorce from a spouse you suspect suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder? Contact The Mitten Law Firm today for a confidential & free consultation.